Offtopic: Funny Joke ;)

[AndreA]

Bush, Einstein and Picasso at the Pearly Gates

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can
you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove
yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

[AndreA]

Funny Jokes about Italians and Europeans

The world where we live:

Sono usciti i risultati di un sondaggio effettuato dall'ONU. La domanda era: "Per piacere, dica onestamente qual'? la sua opinione sulla abbondanza o scarsit? di alimenti nel resto del mondo." Il risultato ? stato il seguente:

# gli europei non hanno capito cosa sia la "scarsit? ."
# gli africani non sapevano cosa fossero gli "alimenti."
# gli americani hanno chiesto il significato di "resto del mondo."
# i cinesi, straniti, hanno chiesto maggiori delucidazioni sul significato di "opinione."
# nel parlamento italiano, si sta ancora discutendo su cosa sia "onestamente."

The results of a poll made by United Nations came out. The question was: "Please, tell us honestly what is your opinion about the abundance vs. scarcity of food in the rest of the world." The results were as follows:
# The Europeans did not understand what was meant by "scarcity".
# The Africans did not understand "abundance."
# The Americans asked the meaning of the "rest of the world".
# The Chinese, puzzled, asked for an explanation of "opinion".
# Meanwhile, in the Italian Parliament, they are still debating the meaning of "honestly".


About the Euro:

Berlusconi, durante un giorno di riposo, passeggia per le vie di Roma con la moglie Veronica, quando si sofferma davanti a una vetrina e le
# Berlusconi dice: "Veronica, amore mio, guarda qua. Pantaloni 20 Euro. Camicia 17 Euro. Giubbotto in pelle 55 Euro... Vedi? E poi parlano di rincari per via dell' Euro! Ma quali rincari! Quale crisi?".
# E Veronica: "Tesoro, questo non ? un negozio di abbigliamento, ? una lavanderia".

Berlusconi: is walking in downtown Rome with his wife Veronica when they stop in front of store.
# Belusconi exclaims: " Veronica, my darling, look here. Pants 20 Euro, Shirts 17 Euros, Leather coats 55 Euros. Take a look! Can you believe that they are talking about the inflation and crisis due to the Euro! What inflation? What crisis?
# Veronica: "My dear, this is not a clothing store, this is a dry cleaner!"

Classic European Heaven & Hell:

Heaven: Where cooks are French, mechanics are German, police are English, lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.

Hell: Where cooks are English, mechanics are French, police are Germans, lovers are Swiss and everything is organized by the Italians.

Nationalities:

- A cruise ship captain has to convince the passengers of his sinking ship to jump overboard. He has to use a different approach with each European. He tells the English it would be unsporting of them not to jump. He tells the French it would be the smart thing to do. He tells the Germans that it is an order. And he tells the Italians that jumping overboard is forbidden.

[AndreA]

ITALIANS VS. EUROPEANS

http://www.lifeinitaly.com/flash/

ORIGINAL DISCLAIMER: Enjoy this very funny flash-movie by Bruno Bozzetto. This flash cartoon does not intend to ridicule Italians, since I myself am Italian, and I am very proud of being Italian but since the rest of Life in Italy is painting Italy more and more like "Heaven on Earth," I added this cartoon and I will add some jokes pages to compensate. I am trying to give a more honest image. So please look at the video with some sense of humor

timeoff, people! funny joke here ))

Girls vs boys

Girls' English

1 Yes = No
2 No = Yes
3 May-b = No
4 It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
5 Do what u want = You'll pay 4 this later
6 We need to talk = I need to bitch
7 Go ahead = I don't want you too
8 I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, u stupid moron
9 How much do u love me? = I did something today your not goin' like me 4
10 Is my butt fat? = Tell me i'm beautiful
11 You have to learn to communicate! = Just agree with me
12 Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.

Guy's English.

1.I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
2.I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
3.I'm tired = I'm tired.
4.Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
5.Can I take you to dinner? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
6.Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
7.May I have this dance? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
8.Nice dress = Nice cleavage.
9.You look tensed, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you.
10.What's wrong? = What meaningless self inflicted pshychological trauma are you going through now?
11.What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
12.I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
13.I love you = Let's have sex right now.
14.I love you too = Okay i said it we'd better have sex now!
15.Let's talk = I am tryin' to impress you by shown that I'm a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me!
16.Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegel 4 you to have sex with other guys.

you like it?

[AndreA]

Funny jokes about Italians with translation

* L'italiano e' un popolo straordinario. Mi piacerebbe tanto che fosse un popolo normale. (Altan)
* The Italians are extraordinary people. I would like very much that they would be normal. (Altan)

* Italiani: Dei buoni a nulla capaci di tutto. (Leo Longanesi)
* Italians: good for nothing, capable of everything. (Leo Longanesi)

* Gli italiani corrono sempre in aiuto al vincitore. (Ennio Flaiano)
* Italians always run to help the winner. (Ennio Flaiano)

* In Italia nulla e' stabile quanto il provvisorio. (Giuseppe Prezzolini)
* In Italy nothing is so much permanent as the temporary. (Giuseppe Prezzolini)

* Se il Muro di Berlino fosse stato costruito dagli italiani, sarebbe caduto naturalmente. (Roberto Benigni)
* If the Berlin wall would have been built by Italians it would have come down on its own. (Roberto Benigni)

* In Italia i treni arrivano tanto in ritardo che bisogna fargli il test di gravidanza.
* The trains in Italy are so late that they need to have a pregnancy test.

* Gli italiani lo fanno meglio. (Madonna) (riferendosi al tiramisu')
* The Italians make it better. (Madonna referring to the Italian dessert "tiramisu" which literally means "get me up")

* Gli italiani hanno solo due cose per la testa. L'altra sono gli spaghetti. (Catherine Deneuve)
* Italians have only two things on their mind. The other one is spaghetti. (Catherine Deneuve)

* Nota statistica. Nei dieci paesi facenti parte della Comunita' Europea, l'Italia non e' undicesima a nessuno. (Amurri e Verde)
* A well known statistic shows that being in the ten countries of the European Community, Italy, is eleventh to no one. (Amurri & Verde)

* Un tedesco un americano e un italiano al bar discutono dei tempi della guerra vantandosi della propria flotta navale. Il tedesco: "Noi avevamo delle portaerei cosi' grandi che per spostarci da poppa a prua utilizzavamo le biciclette". L'americano: "E allora? Le nostre erano cosi' grandi che per spostarci da poppa a prua utilizzavamo le moto". L'italiano allora: "Mi fate ridere tutti e due. Le nostre portaerei erano cosi' grandi che a prua c'era la guerra e a poppa non ne sapevamo niente!!!"
* A German, an American and an Italian are discussing, in a bar, about the past war time bragging about their respective navy fleets. The German: "we had such big air carriers that in order to move from bow to stern we had to use bicycles". The American: "And so what?? Ours were so big that we had to use motorcycles". The Italian: "You both make me laugh! Our air carriers were so big that there was a war going on at stern and at bow nobody knew what the hell was going on."

* Perche' le nuove navi dell'esercito italiano hanno il fondo di vetro? Cosi' possono vedere le vecchie navi dell'esercito italiano. (Milton Berle)
* Why the new Italian navy ships have a glass bottom? So they can see the rest of the old navy! (Milton Berle)

* L'umilta' e' una virtù stupenda. Il guaio e' che molti italiani la esercitano nella dichiarazione dei redditi. (Giulio Andreotti)
* Humility is a stupendous virtue. The trouble is that many Italians apply it when filling in the tax form. (Giulio Andreotti)

* Un italiano e' un latin lover, due italiani sono un casino, tre italiani fanno quattro partiti. (Beppe Grillo)
* An Italian is a Latin lover, two are a mess, three make up four political parties. (Beppe Grillo)

* La situazione dell'Europa e' seria, ma non disperata! La situazione dell'Italia e' disperata, ma non e' seria!
* The European situation is serious, but not desperate! The Italian situation is desperate but not serious!

* L'UIL ha proposto di togliere il passaporto a chi non e' in regola con il fisco. Avrebbe fatto prima a dire: chiudiamo le frontiere. (Indro Montanelli)
* UIL (One of the Italian Workers Union) proposed to withdraw passports to the ones not in line with the revenue laws. It was faster if they said: "close the country's borders". (Indro Montanelli)

* Secondo gli ultimi dati dell'ONU, il nostro Paese confina un po' col terzo mondo ed un po' con l'altro mondo. (Anonimo)
* According to the last U.N. data, our country borders a little bit with the "third world" and a little bit with the "other world". (Anonimous)

* I Francesi sono degli Italiani di cattivo umore. Gli Italiani, all'opposto, sono dei Francesi di buon umore. (Jean Cocteau)
* French are Italians with bad temper. Italians, on the contrary, are French with good humour. (Jean Cocteau)

* In Italia di legale per tutti c'e' solo l'ora. Ed anche quella, non per tutto l'anno. (Stellario Panarello)
* Of legal in Italy there's only "l'ora legale" (Daylight Savings Time called in Italy: Legal Hour) and not even that lasts all year long. (Stellario Panarello)

* Perche' l'Italia e' a forma di stivale? Perche', per stare nella merda, gli stivali sono meglio dei sandali. (Francesco Salvi)
* Why Italy is booth shaped? Because, being in the crap, its better than wearing sandals. (Francesco Salvi)

* L'italiano e' mosso da un bisogno sfrenato d'ingiustizia. (Ennio Flaiano)
* The Italian is moved by an uncontrolled need of injustice. (Ennio Flaiano)

* Se si incontrano tre automobilisti, in Inghilterra fondano un club, in Francia combinano un menage a' trois, in Italia creano un ingorgo. (Stellario Panarello)
* If you meet three car drivers: in England they set up a club, in France a "menage a' trios", in Italy create a traffic jam.

* L'Italia entra nel Duemila ancora in attesa del suo Settecento. (Michele Serra)
* Italy steps in the year 2000 still waiting for her 16th century. (Michele Serra)

* Non possiamo rinunciare alla Fiat: e' l'immagine del nostro Paese. (Altan)
* We can't do without Fiats: its our country's image. (Altan)

* "Saddam mente". "Bastasse questo per bombardare un paese, l'Italia non avrebbe scampo". (Ellekappa)
* "Saddam lies!!". "If this is enough to bomb a country, Italy would have no escape". (Ellekappa)

* Quando un tedesco non sa una cosa... LA IMPARA
* When a German doesn't know one thing... HE LEARNS IT.

* Quando un americano non sa una cosa... PAGA PER SAPERLA
* When an American doesn't know one thing... HE PAYS TO LEARN IT.

* Quando un inglese non sa una cosa... CI SCOMMETTE SOPRA
* When a British doesn't know one thing... HE BETS ON IT.

* Quando un francese non sa una cosa... FA FINTA DI SAPERLA
* When a French doesn't know one thing... HE PRETENDS HE KNOWS IT.

* Quando uno spagnolo non sa una cosa... CHIEDE CHE GLI SIA SPIEGATA
* When a Spanish doesn't know one thing... HE ASKS FOR AN EXPLANATION.

* Quando un greco non sa una cosa... TI SFIDA A CHI HA RAGIONE
* When a Greek doesn't know one thing... HE CHALLENGES YOU ON WHO IS RIGHT.

* Quando un irlandese non sa una cosa... CI BEVE SOPRA
* When an Irish doesn't know one thing... HE DRINKS ON IT.

* Quando uno svizzero non sa una cosa... CI STUDIA SOPRA
* When a Swiss doesn't know one thing... HE STUDIES IT.

* Quando un italiano non sa una cosa... LA INSEGNA !!!
* When an Italian doesn't know one thing... HE TEACHES IT!!!

* L'Italia sarebbe un Paese magnifico senza gli italiani. (Giuseppe Prezzolini)
* Italy could be a gorgeous country without the Italians. (Giuseppe Prezzolini)

* Siamo un popolo di rivoluzionari. Ma vogliamo fare le barricate con i mobili degli altri. (Ennio Flaiano)
* We are a country of revolutionaries. Bu we want to make blockades with other peoples furniture. (Ennio Flaiano)

* La crisi economica dell'Italia sta assumento livelli preoccupanti. Ieri ho incontrato un amico e gli ho offerto un caffe'. Mi ha risposto che, se per me era lo stesso, preferiva che gli dessi i soldi. (Mauroemme)
* The economic crises in Italy is reaching alarming levels. Yesterday I met a friend of mine at the bar and offered him an espresso. He asked me, if it was all right with me, to have the money instead. (Mauroemme)

* "Bisogna alzare la voce con gli Americani". "Devono capire chi e' che ubbidisce qui". (Altan)
* "We have to raise our voice with the Americans". "They have to understand who is obeying here". (Altan)

* L'Italia cambia cosi' in fretta che non si e' mai sicuri di aver pagato la tangente al tipo giusto. (Altan)
* Italy is changing so fast that you're never sure if you have paid the right amount of money "under the table". (Altan)

* Emergenza scioperi: In Italia la questione sociale e' cosi' grave che ai prossimi scioperi i cittadini non avranno nessun disagio. E' previsto infatti lo sciopero degli scioperanti. (Marco Vicari)
* Strike emergency: in Italy the social issue is so bad that, when the next strike will occur, citizen won't feel any inconvenience. As a matter of fact is expected a strikers strike. (Marco Vicari)

* La fanteria italiana non retrocede mai, fa mezzo giro e continua ad avanzare. (Mauroemme)
* The Italian infantry never withdraws, makes half a turn and continues its advance.

* In Germania ha fatto scalpore il nuovo brevetto di una macchina speciale, che permette di acciuffare ladri in soli 5 minuti. Installata negli USA, ha fatto prendere 1000 ladri in 5 minuti. Installata in Giappone, ha fatto prendere 6000 ladri in 5 minuti. Installata in Italia, e' stata rubata in 5 minuti. (Mauroemme)
* In Germany a new patent of a special machine made sensation, it catches thieves in only five minutes. Installed in the USA, it allowed 1000 thieves to be caught in five minutes while in Japan 6000 thieves were nabbed in five minutes. Installed in Italy it was stolen in five minutes.

[Malkav]

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales
representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and
says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your
recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled.

"Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales
representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your
constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't
hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all
sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored
condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it
open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a
respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over,
the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and
asked for aspirin?"


.....i'll get my coat

[Malkav]

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me ."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that waldorf salad is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"Eat That! Think of those starving kids in China."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home "

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home !"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me ."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

[Malkav]

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws

WOMEN'S REVENGE


"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legal y."



W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, " the reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beaut iful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee"
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters, that had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
--------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it till the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
--------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy on him!
--------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in
a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been
alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law.

[powerlifter]

A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the
pharmacist that she needed some cyanide.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need
cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her
husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord,
have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your
husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my
license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all
kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you
can NOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's
wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a
prescription.